Relatives are often related to us through not merely the bonds of blood, but bonds in the share market that can leave our blood at risk. Indeed in this cruel and self-serving world, having a relative who truly values relationships for what they should be is rare. In every newspaper, on every second day, we come across accounts of bloody feuds between family members who claim inheritance after the demise of some senior patriarch who had amassed enough wealth during his lifetime to be so passionately remembered by his ‘loved ones’ even after his death. We hardly need to wonder whether the love of these relations is for the man or his wealth!
There is no need to be alarmed at such a view of relatives. You must read the Bible to recognise Cain and Abel right in the hearts of so many individuals struggling every day to make a living. Indeed if the Biblical event of the first bloodshed came as a shock because of the fact that it was a fratricide, the contrast lies in the fact that there are hardly such surprises in store now. The world is driven by a cynical search for wealth and this greed is never-ending.
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This greed is also consuming relationships and it is for no ordinary reason that we talk about loneliness. Relations in their different avatars—brother, sister, brothers’ wives, sisters’ husbands, uncles or aunts and their families are disappearing from our lives in the modern world of nuclear families where every man is so busy in the rat race of survival that even the basic conjugal or parent-child relationships cannot be given the respect that they deserve.
But if we go back to the simpler ways of life in pre-global India of the 1960’s and 1970’s, particularly in the smaller towns and cities with their share of traditional households, we shall come across some very colourful characters. These relations generally ‘attacked’ you with their blessed presence during the festive season of Christmas or Diwali.
The verb ‘attacked’ might seem to be an unpleasant spoilsport that damages the joy that lively people bring in our lives. But it is to be remembered that while all of us appreciate guests who bring joy, a headache is seldom welcomed even if that violates the ‘love thy neighbour’ dictum. After all, there should be limits.
It is not that these relations do not visit us today but the numbers have definitely declined. Some joint families in particular, and in rare cases some nuclear families also, have the fortune of playing host to their relations. Thus, we have a distant uncle who is fond of reading and can be a raconteur par excellence for the lovers of stories in the house, particularly after a good dinner. There can be a distant aunt or a grandmother who is a fantastic cook and also a connoisseur of rare pickles that seduce your taste buds and keep you longing for more.
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There is the odd brother-in-law with an enviable encyclopedia as his built-in-memory that can devote hours to explain to you the most interesting details of the European Premier League or the nerve wracking car racing championships. There can be a fourteen- year-old Tendulkar in the making among them or a five-year old Hulk who can ‘touch’ your heart and the pocket by getting motivated to perform within the walls of your blessed home.
Such swashbuckling and smashing performances can be accepted for the inherent charm in their childhood pranks but the odd uncle with his voracious appetite torturing your mother or child in the kitchen or another one with a terrible singing voice but eager to please your ears all the time can hardly be tolerated. But one needs to understand that they are a part of the package and in life, nothing comes as an unmixed blessing!
Cynics are dangerous people who know the price of everything but the value of nothing and you do not need to read Oscar Wilde to know the truth of this statement. Jokes aside, the truth lies in the fact that visits from relations are a wonderful way of building bridges and evolving as people of quality, provided we respect each other’s space and priorities. In the present world where loneliness and depression are big killers, visits from relatives who respect the bond of love and trust can be big stress busters. But one has to be careful about people who have daggers hidden behind their smiles.